Yeah, I was optimistic at first, I said I was going to start this blog and really tell the world a piece of my mind.  You know, anyone who stumbled upon this teeny little page, they were sure gonna get an earful of my opinions and whatnot….but then I started to realize something.  I am SO not about the follow through in life.  Basically, I talk a big game, pretty much about everything…and then I totally wuss out.  Examples of this you ask?  Here are a few of the more prominent:

Example #1:  Working out (Ever)

This has been a lifelong cop-out on my part.  I get all jacked up about getting “back in shape” and really ”hitting the gym with a vengance” and I do, for about a week.  I get all geared up about healthy living and eating right and fitness in general.  Now, if you have known me for a while, you might be aware of the fact that I have been generally pretty blessed in the fitness department.  Not to toot my own horn or whatever, but I didn’t grow up as a chunky kid or have to work at my weight in any way.  I was just a normal average kid who could eat whatever and stay the same.  Even puberty didn’t really change that.  I was born with a bubble butt, but hell, who can complain about that?  It wasn’t until the end of college or my foray into Corporate America that I really started having to take a close look at my weight.  Now that I sit at work all day, I have really packed on some unwanted pounds.  Too bad I don’t seem to have much follow through in the whole excercise department…perhaps one day!

Example #2:  Ultimatums (of any kind)

The main ultimatum of my life is unfortunatley geared towards my beloved.  Poor TR, assaulted on a near monthly basis about getting married.  I never wanted to be that way you know….matter of fact, I am not really all that jacked up about wanting to be married.  Being married is so OLD sounding!  No offense to my married friends, but I like having a boyfriend and not a husband.  It feels so carefree and easy to have a boyfriend.  Plus, I think I would rather vomit than use the word fiance!  Gag!  What it boils down to is this: Its a control thing.  I want something (could be anything really) and if TR says no, I gotta have it.  I am the Queen of Fake Ultimatums.  I mean, they aren’t fake when I issue them, but since I pretty much always wuss out on my threats, they really are pointless.  Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t threaten to leave him, I would never do that, not after eight damn years training that trophy!  Gimme a break, I threaten other things, things that are precious to a man…no need to elaborate.  Never the less, I always fail to follow through, so I issue only empty, if not pathetic little threats that at this point TR must see as vaguely ammusing (or irritating, depending on the day).

Example #3:  Financial Bliss (hahahah)

Yes, if money were water I would drink the ocean dry!  I can’t help it (or don’t particularly want to), I burn through money like it’s my job.  I like to buy things for myself, for others, ect.  Perhaps it is a product of growing up on the tight-budgeted side, perhaps it is a genetic marker that I inherited and really have no control over whatsoever (that’s my personal take on the matter).  Who knows?  Now, I would like to clarify that I am not what I would consider a wasteful spender.  I don’t think that I blow a lot of cash on stupid things.  I don’t buy crap just for the sake of buying crap.  I also don’t make a ton of money, so it isn’t that difficult to run through my stash.  However, I have seen how the other half (more actually) of the world lives.  I have lived in the African bush and have seen real and true poverty, the likes of which would make most people weep.  Yet, I still seem to be unable to manage my own paltry funds.  What the hell?  I try and I try, albeit in small spurts.  But seriously, this is an area that I really should be making more of an effort in. 

While there are so many other examples in my life that clearly represent my general lack of personal follow through…these are the glaringly obvious.  In a general sense of the word, perhaps I am just lazy.  Maybe I don’t have any moxy.  What I think it is this: I am a big flake.  I subscribe to the laissezfaire school of thought.  I want to promise myself that I will be better about this blog.  I want to promise myself that I will be better at a lot of the little things that are my life…but what the hell, I’m only human! 

Plan on another post soon….or don’t.  No pressure!